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food

I’m deeply ashamed of myself, the kind of ashamed that makes looking in the mirror difficult, it’ll sound like a very minor thing and with the state of the world as it is then even I realise this is not the end of the world. However, my relationship with food has gotten out of control and I don’t know how to fix it.

I’ve never smoked, I gave up what little drinking I did years ago and I never bothered with drugs despite at times during my life being in the vanguard of the nightclub scene. Food though has always played a hugely destructive part in my life and after turning 40 I’m struggling even more to maintain any control over my urges to over indulge.

I’ve often felt that my addictive nature and need to push has often led me down paths I shouldn’t go but thankfully as life has developed most of these things have fallen into a place that I can manage and retain some control over. But control over my eating habits has never truly improved and I believe I know where it started…

As a child we were quite poor, well very poor and my unemployed, single parent, Liverpudlian mother didn’t have either the desire or the energy to try and help us strive for a better life. This often resulted in reaching the weekend and what little food there had been on a Monday was now extinguished and we would be often have a choice to make between eating and electricity.

To be fair my mother did her best within the choices that she made but it meant that once I was old enough to earn money (I had my first job at 11) then I would use the small amounts of money to share with my mother or to buy delicious treats like Mars Bars – I was a latter day Charlie Bucket but without the charm and songs.

Upon leaving home and heading to university and life I’ve always striven to ensure the one thing that never happens is to find myself in a position similar to the one I found in my childhood. From leaving home I found a security in always ensuring that there was food in the cupboard and therefore I feel conditioned to believe that hunger is bad.

And so I eat.

The problem is I’ve never developed a love of what you might consider ‘positive choice’ foods – vegetables, fruit, etc. I’ve always been much more of a ‘ooooo dairy milk? I’ll have 6 please’. I gorge on food because you never know, ‘it might not be there tomorrow’.

What stops me being the size of a bus is the running, it keeps my weight at a relatively manageable level but if I get injured or become too busy to run then not only do I not reduce my intake of food I actually increase it to fill the running shaped hole in my life.

The problem doesn’t show on anyone’s radar either because I’m a secretive eater, I’ll take biscuits and walk into the next room stuffing myself silly or I’ll eat lunch, then a dinner and a second dinner – I’m like a fat hobbit with the amount of food I can get through.

And the sad thing?

This food does not bring me joy, it brings me nothing but sadness and even as the rationale side of me is talking about calories, effect on running, lack of hunger and lack of enjoyment I will still chow down on my fifth Wagon Wheel or third bag of twiglets.

I wish I could blame advertising and the constant bombardment of signs telling us to ‘EAT’ but I’d be lying if I said that was the case – I’ve spent so long in design & marketing that mostly I can switch advertising off in my head – so just how bad would it be for someone who can be swayed by signs exclaiming ‘4 sausage rolls for £1?’

I suppose the positive thing is that I can see the problems I’m facing even if I’m struggling to deal with them and I’m grateful that my daughter has a much more balanced approach to food and she is never allowed to see me in ‘gorging’ mode. Strangely, or perhaps not, the more secretive overeating stops her for seeing me like this and I extol the virtues of healthier foods to her at every opportunity. I think she’s listening.

And so I’m looking for solutions, I’m looking to reduce my sugar to avoid a case of type 2 diabetes and though I’m lucky to be mostly fit and healthy I’m aware that heart conditions, strokes and cancer run heavily through my family at an early age. However, having had every check I can have I seem to be doing all the right things, except for the food and now it’s time I got to grips with that long term.

After several months of limited running, injury, illness and overeating I’m back in the zone, though I’m a bit late I’m mentally if not physically ready to take on the SainteLyon in just over a weeks time and I’m eating less and better. But I need to sustain this through the festive season and out the other side and hopefully overcome my own mental blocks about food.

As a guide this is how I’m going about it

  • Reduce my intake of calories
  • Increase my exercise output
  • Take responsibility for my body
  • Tell the GingaNinja if I’ve over indulged
  • Increase tracking of food/exercise levels
  • Attempt to reduce daily sugar
  • Eat at reasonable times
  • Talk about it if I’m struggling
  • Have goals (such as races)
  • Look in the mirror and ask myself ‘do you need that Toffee Crisp fatty?’

Ultimately I need to have a positive attitude to how I deal with food and ensure I don’t allow my body to become the victim of my lack of willpower.

Right now I’m on it, let’s hope I stay on it and I look forward to hearing your own hints and tips as ever.

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I’ve been trying to pay it forward a little and say thanks in meaningful ways. It all started last week when I saw that lots of the big names were once again lined up for the #RunUltraBlogger nomination and as much as I love some of the names on the list, it was, to my mind, mostly uninspiring and I wanted real runners who motivate me and so I nominated the two that have inspired me most over the last 12 months or so.

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The blogs therefore I nominated are UltraRunnerDan (dan-fattofit.blogspot.co.uk) and Totkat (www.totkat.org). If they make a shortlist (or whatever the process is) do be sure to give them some support – they both highly deserve it for their awesome running and tremendous contributions to ‘run’ debates and healthy living. And even if you don’t vote for them do go along and visit their blogs and see what can be achieved with a bit of tenacity. They really are excellent reads.

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Now, while in awards mood I also slid over to The Running Awards website and both put my tick next to some of the nominees and also nominated a couple of races.

The most important things I nominated were the SainteLyon (best international race) and the Skye Trail Ultra (best endurance race). This seemed like a good positive thing to do – the SainteLyon is (I believe) the second longest running ultra marathon in the world and is an inspiration – I recommend that all ultra runners look it up and take part (there were only a dozen or so English runners there last year).

The other nomination for the Skye Trail Ultra is for three reasons 1) it’s a small local race across a tremendous landscape 2) it deserves to compete against much larger races because it has a spirit not found at places like VMLM and 3) the race director Jeff Smith is a brilliant, brilliant man who gives up his time to put on the most amazing event!

You can click links here for both The Running Awards and Run Ultra Blogger awards to find out more. Run Ultra Blogger awards are available by clicking here and the The Running Awards can be found here

Now before I go I wanted to discuss a different way I’ve been paying it forward via running; but as many readers will probably be aware I’ve been heavily focused on politics the last few months. This is very much because the referendum result has left a shit show which I feel has shown how nasty, insular and intolerant the UK has become. It saddens me hugely that many people, I had once considered friends, voted leave with the key reason being immigration.

Roll forward to the last week… twice in the last week I’ve been running slowly home and it’s been cold, really cold – winter is finally upon us.

On one of these cold early evenings I saw a man reading a book, a little bedraggled, trying to remain warm – he looked homeless, he certainly looked like he had troubles. I asked if I could buy him something to eat and he accepted. It wasn’t much but I bought some hot food and drink to take to him because who knew when the last time he’d eaten properly.

He was English or at least had an English accent, white, young(ish) probably my age actually – we didn’t speak much because I was cooling down post run and I didn’t want to embarrass him by standing over him as he ate. I wished him well and we shook hands.

I wondered if I had done right?

I did a similar thing tonight, a young(ish) lady who spoke little or no English, not enough clothes on, carrier bags with possessions that looked like her entire life and no hope. I was at Charing Cross with 15 minutes to spare before my train and I spotted her. I mimed the idea of food to her, tried to explain I’d just be a minute or two (I was) and thankfully she was still there when I returned. Given she couldn’t understand me, nor I her, I didn’t feel the need to make small talk but as I stood to leave she grabbed my arm, pressed it firmly and smiled thanks.

I could have cried.

Instead I smiled and waved gently before getting on the train to write this.

I see lots of homeless people as I run, people selling the big issue, refugees desperate for help, the mentally ill, the runaways, those hiding in plain sight and I don’t know how to help but what I do know is that too many in the UK see these poorest of people as a blight and a problem.

But maybe we could look at it differently?

Instead of seeing a homeless woman, try and see a woman who needs help. Instead of seeing a starving refugee, see a hungry man. If you were displaced, tired, hungry, distraught, abandoned wouldn’t you want someone to help?

Post referendum result I’m scared what my country is becoming.

So I’m asking you to do something for someone else. I’m asking you to pay it forward, help someone else or if you can’t help someone else then consider helping yourself by fighting to overturn the stupidity and the rhetoric of this country.

It’s never too late to start making a difference. #IAmEuropean

In my final Isle of Skye blog I’ll be reviewing Cafe Sia, a place that had been recommended to me as a sensible eating experience while in Broadford.

I’m not a great one for recommendations but the opportunity of a bit of Haggis pre-race filled me with a childish glee and you’re right I don’t normally bother with food reviews on my running blog because it’s a running blog but when somethings worthwhile, well it’s worthwhile and I think this is worth sharing.
My experience

All in all I ate four times at Cafe Sia across a four day period with the whole of Saturday being taken out by the Skye Trail Ultra and Sunday lunchtime taken out by being asleep.
The setting for Cafe Sia is a little way back from the main through road of Skye with around 60 covers. There’s some pleasant bench style seating on the exterior and the inside is an eclectic mix of dark wood and soft furnishing – it’s cosy and stylish but not at the cost of being friendly. Perhaps the word I’m looking for is cosmopolitan but that’s not right either, perhaps it’s best described as ‘uniquely itself’ and all the better for it.

When I first arrived I was offered the choice of the available tables and I took one near the rear of the building next to a door with a gentle breeze and a clear view of the kitchen. On the main bar there were staff hanging out, delivering orders and operating the large wonderful smelling coffee machine, to the far side was a collection of delicious looking cakes. I browsed the menu – supplied on a clip board – just gimmicky enough to be cute but retain its practicality. I chose the thing on the menu I had come here for – The Highland Melt and dipped up to counter to order.

I ordered my sandwich alongside a thick tasty chocolate milkshake and soon I was greeted by the sight of bread, cheese and haggis served on square slate plates with a small but perfectly formed dressed side salad. This was the Haggis elevated to a new level of delight. Being hungry I devoured the lot in mere seconds, thanked my excellent hosts and departed but I’d be back.

Post race briefing I decided I needed something for dinner before I grabbed some sleep in preparation for the Skye Trail Ultra. I did check out the fish and chip shop but didn’t fancy anything on offer – although it did smell delightful. Instead I meandered back to Cafe Sia and ordered the fabulous Raspberry Ripple milkshake and what was pleasantly misleading described as a fish finger sandwich. I sat alone outside on the decked seating area and again enjoyed the surroundings and my food. I’d only wanted something light and this was perfect just a few hours before the race.

It would be another 38hrs, a 74 mile race and a Flash Gordon adventure before I would return and it was a triumphant return. I ambled in with my hiking poles – which although I couldn’t use them in the race I could use to get me round Skye – and was offered one of the few seats remaining, it was a nice window seat with more than enough room for me to spread out and also quietly observe the busy restaurant around me. Even on a busy night like this and on my own I didn’t feel uncomfortable or unwelcome.

Service was as excellent as my previous visits and I ordered the hottest pizza on the menu with scotch bonnet chilli and spicy Scottish sausage with thick tasty tomato sauce and enough cheese to make it feel hearty. I added a large portion of potato wedges because I felt I’d earned them and an ice cold Irn-Bru (otherwise known as the drink of champions).

What surprised me was just how hot and spicy the pizza was yet retaining all the flavour I was hoping for, this was a considered flavour combination and I hoovered the pizza up with my post race runger – I knew I’d had something special, plus I’d eaten like a king for less than £20.

I went back to my accommodation that night, my hunger truly sated.

Having packed up that evening I realised that my bus stop for the journey back to Inverness started outside Cafe Sia, I therefore took the opportunity to dip inside and enjoy a leisurely breakfast. I was asked very politely if I’d mind leaving my gigantic rucksack outside in the porch area, which I happily did as you really don’t want to be tripping over bags.

I settled on the Eggs Benedict and a flat white – the smell of the freshly ground coffee had been luring me in all weekend. Of course I added in a final chocolate milkshake too and I sucked deeply on the milkshake straw and as I did the events of the weekend flooded back in my mild head freeze.

Skye had been amazing and Cafe Sia had played a significant part in that.

As you might expect giving my glowing experience of Cafe Sia the eggs benedict lived up to my expectations – they were a freshly cooked class act. I shan’t attempt to convey the taste but if I simply say ‘Yum’ you probably get the meaning. A second cup of the delicious coffee followed and my culinary journey in Skye was complete.

In conclusion I can say, without reservation, that food in Scotland, or at least at Cafe Sia is a delight. The Isle of Skye has a little gem that is as popular with the locals as it is with the visitors such as myself. If you’re in Broadford then the foody delights at this hotspot could power you up some hilly climb, help you recover from your exertions or simply serve you some outstandingly delicious nosh.

Now importantly, while the food was exceptional there was a thing that bettered it – the service. During my various visits the service was always warm and welcoming but also professional – let me assure you many a decent London restaurant could learn a thing or two from Cafe Sia regarding service.

So what are you waiting for? I’ve given you three great reasons to visit the Isle of Skye – ultra running, great food and Flash Gordon – enjoy!

N.B. During high season its recommended to book for the evening meals but believe me it’s worth the booking. Bon appetit!

Follow Cafe Sia on Twitter at @CafeSiaSkye or visit www.cafesia.co.uk for the full menu

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